I came across this phrase; "Don't regret what you did. Regret what you didn't do."

What is going to be the thing I didn't do?

Fight for you. Or stick to my decision now?

Just. kill. me. now..

Tomorrow never did come, and I never did tell you how much I love you.

Everything I did was a mistake.

You said you just needed a legit reason why I let you go. The reason is, I'm scared. Not because I wasn't ready to be committed. But because I wasn't ready to stand up to my parents. How was I suppose to be with you, and lie to my parents? I could never do that. We said we'd figure this out together when we got back together. But this is an impasse. There's no loophole for this. Letting you go is going to be the biggest regret I have in my life. How I wish I could just pick up the phone right now and scream out I love you. But I know that'll just recreate this problem again.

I'd rather let you continuing hating me. Making you think that I used you, played you, hurt you, dumped you. At least then you'd have no trouble moving on.

I really wish I was a cold heartless bitch now. Cause right now, I cant sleep, or eat, or laugh, smile, not even cry. I can't do anything. My biggest regret is letting you go. Your biggest regret is letting me in.

Fear makes people do stupid things they'll regret one day. Fear, is a part of the human nature that we cant run away from. We fear choices and decisions, possibilities and consequences. We fear everything. Or at least I do.

I feared fighting for something I wasn't sure of, you. I always said I wanted to do the right thing. &I had two choices out of this. Either confess to my mom, or give up on you. But was I willing to fight for you? Were my feelings that strong? I didn't know..I was unsure.

One day, I just couldnt take it. All the secrecy and guilt that I was hiding from my parents. How can I just lie to their face, into their eyes, when all they've ever wanted was the best for me? I broke down, and confessed everything. I knew my mom wasn't happy about it. But what she said was right. Is this infatuation or love? A friend of mine once wrote, love should not be questioned. The only question about it is if its love or lust. Was this love, or lust?

I knew if I insisted to be with you, to deal with the consequences of having a boyfriend, my mom wouldnt be too happy about it. But you would be overwhelmed. So what should I do?

My whole life, I've always wanted to make others happy. I've always disregard my own thoughts and just follow follow follow. Was it because I hated confrontation? I'm not sure. All I knew was, I never stood up for my own thoughts. And all I wanted to do was please others, to not be hated. But I knew, I couldnt satisfy both parties in this situation. Someone is bound to get hurt. How I wish I could just disappear from this earth now. Because right now, I'm sure I've just became the worst bitch in the planet. Quote: "cold heartless bitch".

The bible tells you about everything you've ever doubted about in life. But it tells you nothing about dating. It touches in marriage and adultery, but nothing about dating. It doesn't tell you how you'd know if he's the right guy, or if it's the right time. Does this mean God actually forgot this part of life? I dont think so. There must be a reason for that which I am yet to find out. I'll ask Him tonight :)

I heard this guy say, "good things don't end, until they end badly". You always heard ppl saying, "all good things must end", but they forgot to tell you that it will always end badly. I feel like that phrase is really affecting my life right now. I've always thought, if you were positive, then things will definitely turn out for the better. But it doesnt seem so true right now.

I hate this. I hated having to do this. I hate having to do the right thing. Doing the right thing always hurts the most. Sometimes it makes you wonder if that is even the right thing to do.

Dear non-existing readers :)

Lemme tell you this funny thing that happened!

One day, after gym, I went for dinner, feeling all sticky and disgusting! And all i could think about was going back to my hostel to shower! Soo, after dinner, I went back and showered :)

I was so happy! Thinking about the warm water cleansing my body, and my amazing shampoo smell filling the air. And thus, I went into the shower room and on the tap. The water was slow, so I just assumed the pressure was low. I squeezed my amazing Shurei on my hair, and scrub scrub scrub. And just when I wanted to wash my shampoo off, THE WATER STOPPED FLOWING!

NO FREAKING WATER!

I was stranded. In the shower. With shampoo in my hair!

Thus, I went back to my room, wrapped in my towel, with shampoo in my hair.

And now I'm blogging.

Thats right! This is happening, right NOW.

"Its awesome, but its like .... no feel."

I never thought you'd be the first one to say that. And I never thought that it'll break my heart so much. The stabbing just doesn't stop. Its all so dramatic, but it really hurts, still does and I think forever will.

JPA Interview

This post is specially to those next year, who'll be going for the JPA scholarship interview :)

Soo, just last Thursday I had my JPA interview. Durrh, goosebumps all the way till that day came.

Here's a few pointers on how to prepare for the day,
1. If you're a debater then thumbs up for you (Y). If you're not, then start practicing. Strategize your points and make sure you speak facts!
2. Read the newspaper! Thats what everyone say. But if you're like me (hates the newspaper), then ask your dad to tell you whats going on in the society and economy.
3. Make sure you file is organized! What I did was, I had a title page for every section. Its way neater :)
4. Get your high school to certify every important document ie. IC, birthcert etc.

So, on that day itself. You'll have to arrive 30minutes earlier. Just be kiasu and go early! :)
Then you'll have to sign TWICE! First on a common board where they list your name and your interview room, which you'll see everyone gathering around. Next, you'll have to sign another time when you go to the waiting room.

Later, they'll take your clear folder with all your documents, and direct you to your interview room. Then, the interview starts.

Of course they'll first ask you to introduce yourself. They will ask you in BM, so its best if you prepare an introductory of yourself in BM. Then they'll probably ask you why you chose your course and the place of destination. Then they'll ask one open-ended question in BM, which you MUST answer in BM.

So, a few famous questions are:
1. Campaigns (why isn't it working?)
2. Health Centres (what do you think of it? is it good enough?)
3. Sports (what do you think about Malaysian sports? should we call for help from the overseas coach?)
4. Is the crime rate increasing or decreasing?
5. What can you bring back when you go overseas?
6. Reality tv. (are they bringing more good or bad to the society?)
7. *current issue. Japan earthquake (what can you learn from it?)

Do rmb, when they ask you in English, you may answer in English. But if they ask you in BM, do try your best to reply in BM.
Girls should wear Baju Kurung (preferably), and formal wear with tie for boys.

If they challenge you when you answer (like disagree with your point), then just stand firm and give logical reasons for your answers. They're not challenging you because you're wrong. There is no right or wrong answer. They just want to see how you handle situations like that, and to see if you can really think on the spot.

Also, always keep good eye contact. Firm but not aggressive.

All the best for your interview :)
Overall, its actually a very good experience. Just stay loose and it'll be fun :)

Prepare well guys!